Attachment Styles and Depression: Is There a Connection?

You’ve probably heard of the idea that “people marry their parents.” Generally, this means that people look for partners with traits they’ve seen in their family members.

While this could mean finding someone with a similar background, beliefs, or occupation, there are also more abstract ways our caregivers influence our romantic choices. The attachment style theory suggests that our earliest childhood experiences have a direct influence on our present relationships.

According to this theory, the lessons we learn about vulnerability, trust, and predictability from our first caregivers continue to shape our expectations of our romantic partners.

Negative or unpredictable early experiences can interfere with our ability to develop healthy relationships. There is also growing interest in how attachment styles, directly and indirectly, affect depression.

Our attachment styles are based on factors that are completely out of our control, but they are also not set in stone. If you have depression, learning attachment theory can help you identify unhealthy patterns, reduce anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Attachment style theory – the basics

Attachment theory was first introduced in the late 1950s by psychologist John Bowlby. In his observations, he noticed that infants formed attachments to their primary/secondary caregivers, and would become distressed when separated from them.

The idea that infant experiences could lead to a lasting attachment style came from psychologist Mary Ainsworth. She created a procedure called the “Strange Situation”, which measured how infants responded to their caregiver and a stranger entering and leaving a playroom.

The Strange Situation uncovers 3 types of attachment styles

Securely attached infants joyfully interacted with their caregivers, became distressed at their absence, and were wary of the stranger unless the caregiver was present. Around 70-80% of children in Ainsworth’s experiment were secure. The other 20% showed signs of an insecure attachment style.

10% of children showed an anxious/preoccupied attachment style. They became overwhelmingly distressed when separated from their caregiver or when the stranger was present. However, when the caregiver returned, the children would remain distraught.

Another 10% displayed an avoidant/dismissive style. These children didn’t interact very much with their caregivers and seemed more interested in the stranger. They also didn’t react when the caregiver left or entered the room.

The fourth rare attachment style

30 years after Ainsworth created the Strange Situation procedure, two psychologists, Main and Solomon, discovered a fourth attachment style. Around 4% of children displayed traits of all attachment styles in an inconsistent manner.

For example, they were excessively clingy when their caregiver was in the room, but ignored them after they returned. They called this new category the disorganized/fearful-avoidant style.

Psychologists believe that infant attachment style is the result of how well a caregiver attunes to the emotional needs of the infant. Secure attachment develops when the primary caregiver is consistent, reliable, and responsive to the baby’s needs.

If caregivers are neglectful, struggling with their own mental health, or absent, the infant develops an insecure attachment style to cope with their anxiety. While researchers are still learning more about attachment styles, there is some evidence that early childhood attachment patterns can persist into adulthood.

Adult attachment styles and their effects on relationships

Our attachment style can impact many areas of our lives, including how we interact with our colleagues, make friends, or respond to our own children. However, attachment styles tend to have the most substantial effect on romantic relationships.

Adult attachment styles fall into the same categories as infant attachment styles, but the behaviors linked with each style are slightly different. The correlation between childhood and adult attachment style isn’t straightforward either. Someone who is securely attached to their caregivers could be insecurely attached in their romantic relationships and vice versa.

Secure attachment

Securely attached adults are independent but able to have trust and confidence in others. They have no problem being emotionally vulnerable in a relationship. Generally, people with secure attachment styles aren’t affected by bad relationship experiences. They also do not expect their partners to be perfect.

Insecure attachment styles

Avoidant, anxious, and disorganized attachment styles contribute to difficult and unstable relationships but in different ways.

Avoidant/Dismissive

Avoidant adults have a difficult time with intimacy. They may enter relationships but remain emotionally distant from their partners. They may also end relationships simply because they feel stifled. When their partner tries to get closer, their instinct is to pull away.

Anxious/preoccupied

Anxious/preoccupied adults seek out close relationships but do not expect to have their needs fulfilled. They may become people pleasers and bend over backward to get a sense of security and intimacy from their partners.

When anxious and avoidant people enter a relationship, their opposite needs create a toxic dynamic. The more the anxious person pushes for intimacy, the more the avoidant partner creates a barrier. Without professional help, these relationships tend to be unfulfilling and draining.

Disorganized/Fearful-avoidant

People with disorganized attachment often display the most debilitating aspects of the other insecure styles. They are simultaneously reaching for intimacy while rejecting it. This can manifest as unpredictable behaviors in a relationship.

For example, a person with a disorganized attachment style may talk incessantly about making a commitment to their partner but later ignore them for days at a time. As you can imagine, relationships with a disorganized partner can be volatile and stressful.

Attachment style theory can sound a bit fatalistic, but it isn’t all bad news. The vast majority of people are securely attached, even if they have had traumatic childhood experiences. There is also hope for the 20-30% of insecurely attached people.

Relationships with at least one securely-attached partner tend to be stronger and more fulfilling, no matter the other partner’s attachment style. Additionally, people with insecure attachment can work on their underlying issues and develop healthier coping skills.

Insecure attachment styles and depression

Attachment style is one of many factors that can increase an individual’s depression risk. Secure attachment doesn’t prevent depression. However, securely attached people are better at making and keeping relationships, which can lower their risk of depression.

Children who are insecurely attached to their caregivers have a higher risk of depression. This might be because a caregiver’s negligence or rejection can cause the child to create a negative image of themself. This can lead to depressive symptoms, such as negative self-talk, feelings of worthlessness, and withdrawal.

Insecurely attached children also experience elevated levels of stress, which affects their brain development and socio-emotional skills. This makes them more likely to be depressed as adults.

If a person exhibits insecure attachment in adulthood, they often have difficulty forming healthy and stable partnerships. A relationship with insecure dynamics can also be a source of immense stress, which can increase the likelihood of depression.

In addition, depression in itself can strain relationships. People with depression perceive their interactions with others through a negative lens. They may assume that people don’t really care about them or want to be around them.

As a result, people with depression often push others away. This can make fearful/avoidant behaviors worse. At the same time, an anxiously attached partner may be poorly equipped to support their depressed loved one. If someone is navigating both depression and an insecure attachment style, their treatment plan must consider both conditions.

Effective treatments for people with insecure attachment and depression

Having an insecure attachment style can make treating depression more complicated. However, there are therapeutic techniques that can treat one or both conditions.

Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT): IPT is a type of talk therapy that focuses specifically on the connections between depression, emotions, and relationships.

A therapist trained in IPT helps their client process any grief or loss that contributed to the insecure attachment and learn important socio-emotional skills for maintaining healthy relationships. IPT therapy also addresses specific depressive symptoms, like sensitivity rejection and irritability.

tDCS: Talk therapy isn’t the only solution. tDCS, a type of brain stimulation technique, can rapidly reduce the intensity and frequency of depressive symptoms.

The Flow headset is a one-of-a-kind device that allows people to complete tDCS sessions at home. Flow is convenient since it doesn’t require a trip to the doctor’s office or prescription. Treatment sessions can start as soon as the device is delivered.

Improving depression symptoms can make it easier to connect with loved ones. Flow user Mike said this about his experience:

Read more reviews here.

Supportive relationships: Finally, a healthy, supportive partnership is an important factor in managing and recovering from depression. People with insecure attachment and depression can benefit from improving communication with their partners.

These 7 relationship-strengthening tools can bring partners closer together, despite facing emotional difficulties.